One of the worst things we can do when we are grieving the loss of a loved one is to put pressure on ourselves to behave in a way that others feel is "normal". If you want to go out for a very long walk, remaining in the air for hours, it is perfectly acceptable. If you want to have a good, loud cry, that is fine. There is no such thing as normal when we are struggling with grief. Though there are very recognizable "stages" in grief, and it can be incredibly therapeutic to read about them and understand them when you yourself are going through the process, it is also important that you allow yourself to "feel" what you feel.
Struggling With the End
Even though experts can tell us about the stages of grief and we can study them to help ourselves or friends and family with it, we still struggle with the pain of loss. This can make us feel unusually strong feelings, and this can make things like funeral planning very challenging. For example, many families find that a loved one's request for cremation may be hard to implement because they are in the midst of grief. Yet, honoring their requests will help with grief.
Handling cremated remains can also be very challenging during the grieving process, but there are some very wise choices you can make to ease the difficulties and pain of the process:
- Invest in a keepsake urn - Many people are shocked to receive their loved one's remains in the standard bag and cardboard box that the cremation services use. Knowing that this will occur might make it easier, but already having a better vessel on hand can make it far more tolerable. Keepsake urns are a wonderful symbol and can be everything from biodegradable vessels you intend to bury or permanent pieces you enjoy seeing.
- Get help - When using a keepsake urn, be sure you get help transferring the remains inside of it. Though it is easily done using the right tools, there can be many emotional issues triggered by the event. Use a large funnel, a disposable scoop and very carefully move the remains from the bag to the urn.
- Invest in cremation jewelry - This is something many overlook, but which is a wonderful way to deal with the grieving process. When you are transferring cremated remains into an urn, you can use that opportunity to also transfer some ashes to an appropriate urn necklace. This is a way of keeping your loved one close as you deal with your grief. If you are scattering the ashes from the urn, it can also help you with any strong emotions during the ceremony.
In fact, memorial jewelry may be a good way for more than just one grieving family member or friend to cope with a loss. While you might worry that people will think that a necklace for ashes is a bizarre choice, the designs and styles available are impressive. Johnston's Cremation Jewelry has designs for men and women, and they have the looks of keepsake jewelry, and do not obviously display that they are small urns.
Urn jewelry may be a new innovation, but it makes sense. Since grief can be so challenging, a cremation necklace allows us to feel close to the one we lost, speak to them if we wish and work through the grief at the right pace.